By Dr Kim Collett, Associate Lecturer and Researcher specialising in inclusive education and SEND
Mealtimes, as most parents know, can be a child-sized minefield, whether or not there are additional needs. Getting them to sit down, keeping up with preferences, and ensuring they get a balanced, healthy diet are among the many pressures on parents today. In contrast, many of us can remember never being given a choice, and the concept of complaining and getting something different was virtually unheard of. Some of us have had that thrown at us by our own parents and media commentators when our child refuses, to the point of meltdown or illness, anything other than a small range of foods. It may be a phase, but when it continues, it comes under the realm of eating disorders.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) can last for years and be the cause of intense stress. As Dr Kim Collett, Associate Lecturer and Researcher specialising in inclusive education and SEND, explains in her article on SNJ today, AFRID is often seen alongside neurodivergence, and is a world away from “fussy eating”
Help, my child will barely eat! By Dr Kim Collett
‘My dream is for him to sit down and eat a meal’
Amy*, mother to a son with ARFID
Even though Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) was formally recognised in 2013, it remains one of the most misunderstood eating disorders across health and education.
Unlike other eating disorders, ARFID is not driven by weight, body image or the need for control. Instead, it is often linked to sensory input (taste, texture, smell), past traumatic experiences with food (food poisoning, choking), or a lack of hunger/interest in eating. For some, it might just be one of these causes, for others, it can be a combination. It can also co-occur with anxiety and neurodivergence, such as autism.
Despite this, it is still widely dismissed as ‘fussy eating’ or misdiagnosed; we aren’t even sure how many people ARFID affects. There is also limited training and understanding, which leads to weight-based referrals. The lack of clear clinical pathways means many children are never assessed. This leaves families without support, and even when it is offered, it varies widely between areas.
There is still little known about what treatments might be successful, although some find talking therapies helpful. Even so, access to these is inconsistent and dependent on individual professionals and local provision, rather than what an individual child might need.
Amy’s story
Amy’s son is now 11 and still without support. Amy first realised he had a problem with food when he was three years old, and the wider lack of understanding has shaped her experiences. Despite numerous visits to the health visitor, GP, and school, she was turned away with no help. Because her son was always just over the healthy weight bracket, she was told not to worry and that he’d grow out of it. This is a common response rooted in the misunderstanding that ARFID requires a weight-driven lens. After years of fighting for help, Amy felt she had no option but to tackle it alone.
Diagnosis and help
ARFID is a serious condition where children can restrict their food to the point of starvation. There is no consistent clinical pathway for ARFID, and when families invariably turn to the internet for advice, they face lots of misinformation. Yet support is often linked with weight and growth, meaning a child can only access help when they become underweight. Amy says that although her son was small when he was younger, with puberty changes and his “safe foods” (foods he can tolerate) being mainly junk food, he is now at risk of becoming overweight.
The impact on life at home
Parenting a child with ARFID can dominate life at home and research shows it can become all-consuming. Amy explains that everything at home is centred around her son’s eating patterns, and she feels lucky that his siblings and stepdad are patient. But patience can be hard to maintain, feeling like a constant battle. Outside of the home, the story becomes worse, especially where rules around sitting at the table or finishing meals are strictly enforced.
Being judged by others
Amy constantly receives suggestions from other people who think they know how to tackle her son’s ARFID. She’s almost memorised a script explaining to them why these won’t work. Suggestions are often well-meaning, but they simply increase stress for parents and their children. Amy dreads eating with others because she knows her son feels like he’s being watched, which further increases his anxieties around food.
Many people with ARFID will avoid social situations altogether because so many of them involve food, leading to isolation and loneliness. Only recently has Amy’s son started to go to his friends’ houses, and only when he knows they have his safe foods (including the specific brands he eats) and that they will cook/present them in a particular way.
ARFID’s cost is financial as well as social
The financial impact of ARFID is commonly overlooked. Amy often has to buy more expensive brands as they are the only foods he will eat. She’s tried to disguise cheaper brands, but he can always tell. And even his accepted brands can be rejected. Amy recalls buying a multipack of branded fish fingers, only for the entire box to be rejected because one had a grey blemish. Amy wants to claim Disability Living Allowance (DLA) to offset the cost, but without formal evidence, she doesn’t qualify, and without support, she can’t get the essential proof.
ARFID can heap on parental guilt and blame
Children with ARFID can suffer from poor health due to the lack of nutrients in their diet. It can also impact mood, behaviour and sleep and lead parents to blame themselves. Unable to help her son, Amy says she feels helpless, spending hours wondering whether she could have done something differently.
Her son is now beginning to blame himself, too. He really wants to try new foods, but then talks himself out of it while simultaneously beating himself up about his final decision. Without professional help, he is left trying to manage a condition he cannot control.
Glimmers of hope
There have been small glimmers of hope. His year 6 teacher was the first, and only, professional to truly listen and believe Amy. She accepted his safe foods without question, even on school trips, and didn’t try to offer Amy advice on how she might encourage him to eat more. Because of this, he attended his first school trip and loved it (something he had previously avoided). Amy truly believes this trust has given her son the confidence to try new things.
But isolated examples of support and understanding is not enough. Children with ARFID need:
- National guidance on ARFID referrals, diagnosis, support and treatment
- Services and professionals who understand ARFID
- Referrals not based on weight
- Consistency in what support is available
- Schools that recognise and support safe foods
- Acceptance rather than judgment
Without these families like Amy’s will continue to face avoidable barriers and children with ARFID stigmatised.
‘I need support not judgement’
Amy
*Amy’s name has been changed to protect her identity
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Also read:
- Beyond EHCPs: Why Inclusion Needs More Than a Document
- The Unacceptable Truth: 20 SEND legal rights at risk from the Government’s SEND reforms
- How health and family support systems are failing children starting school
- WEBINAR RECORDING! The implications for children’s legal rights to EHCPs and EOTAS of the Government’s SEND proposals
- When things go right: Shining a light on SEND Practitioners making a positive impact [Giveaway!]
- From suspicion to support: why the Government’s child protection reforms matter for disabled children
- Have your say on the future of transport for disabled children and young people
- Unison voices major concerns over SEND reform health plans for sick and disabled children out of school in the EOTAS consultation
- Top Tips for the EOTAS & EHCP consultation: Protect your child’s rights to statutory SEND support
- Navigating constraints: Why a former PCF chair thinks the current model is missing the mark for families
- Dear Secretary of State for Education, Lucy Powell: an Open Letter from Special Needs Jungle and SEND legal charity SOS!SEN
- Research: Disabled young people define inclusive education as “learning in the place that’s right for them”
- How health and family support systems are failing children starting school
- From suspicion to support: why the Government’s child protection reforms matter for disabled children
- Unison voices major concerns over SEND reform health plans for sick and disabled children out of school in the EOTAS consultation
- Allergy Guidance issued—but wider medical conditions guidance back for more work
- How Twinkl Parents are aiming to give SEND families a voice—and some free resources
- When “fine” at school isn’t fine at home: the hidden cost of autistic masking on families
- Why my daughter’s SEND experience means we’ll take this consultation judicial review fight wherever it needs to go
- “Why would anyone in government think that was an okay idea?” #SaveSENDLegalRights
- ARFID: Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is much more than just “fussy eating”
- Draft medical conditions guidance raises “serious concerns” says union, over shift in clinical responsibilities to schools
- Consultation: Supporting pupils with medical conditions at school. What’s new, what’s missing and what you need to know
- Professor Brian Lamb OBE: Parent’s shouldn’t have to police the SEND system
Don’t miss a thing!
Don’t miss any posts from SNJ – simply add your email address below. You must click the link in the confirmation email you’ll receive to activate your free subscription.
You can also keep up with us by following our
Want more? Be an SNJ regular donor!
SNJ is a non-profit and everyone who writes here does so voluntarily. We need your support to help us with costs by donating once or as a regular patron. Find out more here
- The Unacceptable Truth: 20 SEND legal rights at risk from the Government’s SEND reforms - September 9, 2026
- WEBINAR RECORDING! The implications for children’s legal rights to EHCPs and EOTAS of the Government’s SEND proposals - September 3, 2026
- From suspicion to support: why the Government’s child protection reforms matter for disabled children - August 28, 2026
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