I think my child has a special educational need. What can I do?

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So often on SNJ, we talk about the difficulties faced when getting SEND help. But if you’re new to the area and you’ve only just discovered that your child might have a special educational need, this can all be a bit overwhelming.

If your child has a clear or suspected disability or need from birth, you may have been alerted to this while you were still expecting, or soon after birth if it wasn’t picked up in routine screening. The good news here is that you should be offered support and information (in theory at least) before you even leave the hospital with your baby. Of course, that may not be for some months, if they need stabilising or immediate treatment is required—but getting support in place for when you get home is vital. If you are finding help isn’t forthcoming, speak to your child’s consultant, health visitor, or council children’s disability service.

Our columnist, Hayley Newman, has written about her experience of Portage for Natty here.

Portage or health visitor

If you know your baby or child has additional needs from a very early age, and you haven’t had access to Portage, please check out The Portage Association website Some Portage services start from birth, and there should be no cost. Unfortunately, these services are now few and far between with large areas without any help. Find your local Portage service here. You can also train as a portage support worker, and the same site has workshops and courses.

Your health visitor may also have helpful advice to hand. For children under 5, more Family or Early Help Hubs are coming on-stream in some areas (2025 update). There is also a new “Best start in life digital hub”

Emerging special needs

But this article is not focusing on children whose needs are clear to see, although many will still find the tips useful. It’s more about those children who get to school before a special educational need begins to be suspected. The acronym used for this is SEND, which stands for “special educational needs and disabilities”.

You may have had a niggling feeling that your child is somehow ‘different’ before they started school, but couldn’t put your finger on why. I remember asking our health visitor when my eldest was only 19 months old, if she thought he was…. autistic? I didn’t even know what that was, really, or why I thought it. But although he was a very early walker at 9.5 months, a talker at 10 months, and advanced at doing puzzles and so on, and despite the fact I was an inexperienced first-time mum, I still had this feeling that my overly wilful son was not the same as his fellow toddlers.

Even after his diagnosis, first with ADHD at six, then with autism aged seven, if you’d asked me to describe his autistic traits, I would have had trouble putting them into a convincing sentence. Often, other people, and even relatives, would say, “Well they all do that, don’t they?” But no, not in the same way, they don’t.

What should I be looking for?

I could write a list of traits or behaviours that might indicate your child has SEND, but they would be traits seen in many children. The difference is when those behaviours disrupt “normal” functioning or progress.

For example, lots of children have sleep difficulties, but a child with SEND might have long-standing issues with falling or staying asleep, or might wake at 3 am and be done with sleep. Every night. For months or even years.

They might have eating problems, and of course, lots of kids are finicky eaters. But it’s different when they have meltdowns when different foods touch each other, or only eat a restricted range of food, or maybe food of a certain colour, or refuse food with certain textures, or if they won’t eat much at all for long periods of time. That’s not only extremely worrying for a parent, but very possibly the sign that something bigger is going on.

The same can be said for all sorts of developmental milestones, from toileting to social play, to not being able to focus—or hyperfocusing—or talk, or write legibly, or make progress with reading. There is a wide variety of what comes under the umbrella of ‘normal’, and sometimes, it can take a long time to convince anyone else that what you are seeing with your child is not within these boundaries. But you know your child best, never forget that.

Other worries can centre around talking and listening, physical skills or a child’s emotional or mental health, or their behaviour. I mean what exactly is normal?

He’s just a naughty boy, isn’t he?

No, he probably isn’t just a naughty boy at all. Children are not born ‘naughty’. Behaviour is communication, and often a communication of frustration when a child doesn’t have the words they need to express themselves. They probably don’t know themselves why it’s so hard to sit still, or why they feel like there is an engine driving them to run around the room when all the other children are sitting calmly on the carpet at circle time.

They probably don’t know why certain smells, textures, lighting, or noises upset them. They probably couldn’t tell you that it was the almost inaudible buzzing of an overhead light that led to a meltdown. They almost certainly don’t know why other kids don’t want to play with them or think they’re weird. What’s more, their teacher may not know either. With a busy class to supervise and educate, the first the teacher may know about it is when they see the result of the behaviour—and guess who gets the blame?

Now, you may be lucky enough to have (or be) one of those diamonds of teachers who, despite the pressures of educating 30 other children, has noticed your child is ‘triggered’ by certain things, or they have an unusual gait while running, or a unique way of holding a pencil. Or perhaps they’ve spotted a spiky learning profile that says something is off; maybe the child is a great reader but can’t write, or perhaps they’re very capable at maths but can’t spell at all. Or maybe they’ve noticed your child falls over their own feet and is constantly away with the faeries when they should be paying attention. If so, they may be the ones to come to you with a concern, and you can discuss it together.

But the chances are, they won’t spot those things and, as they see a wide range of abilities, they may not realise that your child’s apparent capabilities are nowhere close to what you, as their parent, know they can do. This may be particularly true if they are very bright but their grades don’t show it. A busy teacher may think these marks are not unusual, or they are just slow at picking up new things. As their parent, you see them much more clearly at home, so are in a better position to see what they can do when they are relaxed and engaged. This is why a strong parent-teacher relationship is so important; a good teacher will listen to what you have to say. They will be curious about why you think that and take your concerns seriously. They won’t write you off as pushy, too anxious, overly optimistic about your child’s potential, or avoid conversations with you. A word to the wise, though—it’s also your responsibility to listen to what the teacher has to say respectfully, even if you disagree. If they won’t give you the same, do your research to educate yourself on what you think is going on—as well as SNJ, there are loads of websites from charities, professional associations and parental support groups, etc, that offer information about child development, disability or different conditions.

What to do? Some ideas to help

My concerns about my eldest’s differences slowly mounted up. These included insisting on the same colour plate and cup every day at pre-school or refusing to participate in snack-time, charging around—or through—other kids during play, an unforgettable Ikea meltdown incident, and being relentlessly stubborn about everything he didn’t want to do. He was given a “behavioural chart” within the first few weeks of reception—so they knew something was amiss, but were not especially interested in why a fiercely bright child couldn’t do as he was told. They just wanted him to comply. Each incident by itself could be shrugged off. But when you paid attention, they became a pattern. And patterns become evidence to use when seeking further advice.

While this isn’t possible for many, I had time to volunteer to help with reading, computers and trips at my children’s primary schools. It meant I could see how my child compared to others when it came to dexterity, attention, behaviour and so on. I could see for myself the things I’d been concerned about were real, not the product of an inexperienced mother’s worries.

On this site, you can find our checklist for getting started with special educational needs, and you will also want to check out our SEND Flow charts, in particular, the one for SEN Support.

First, it’s a good idea to get a take on your concerns from your partner, parent or close friend. They may not have noticed much immediately, but if you go through what you’ve noticed, they may understand what you’re saying. Even if not, still listen to your inner voice. Do some research online using the search facility on this website, check out Contact (they also have a helpline) and lots of other information.
Next, speaking to your child’s class teacher should be the first step outside the family to see what they think. Make an appointment, though, don’t just charge in before or after school and expect them to be in a position to speak to you. Write down your concerns methodically beforehand so you can talk them through and take a pen and paper to make notes, or do so on your phone. There are now also AI note-takers that can record a meeting and create summary notes—but if you’re recording, be open and explain it’s for note-taking purposes. You can then follow that up with an email outlining what you discussed to ensure you have understood properly.
Your child’s teacher should alert the school’s special needs coordinator (SENCo), and you can ask for a meeting with both of them. Take along your notes, of course. You may wish to ask them to seek external advice from the local authorities’ speech and language therapist, occupational therapist, or educational psychologist, though all of these specialists are in short supply. You can also ask them to call in the local autism outreach assessor, if appropriate. These people can give expert opinions and help the school set up intervention programmes.
You may also want to visit your GP with your concerns if you think a paediatrician’s appointment or CAMHS referral could be in order. Again, ensure you have all your notes to hand.
For any meeting, take along your partner, relative, or friend to help—they can help with note-taking or remind you of things you wanted to mention.

Promoted

SEN Support

If the school agrees there is an issue, your child may be put onto the lower level of SEN help called SEND Support. This has a process called “Assess, Plan, Do, Review” which is exactly as it sounds, and you can read more about it here and here. This is supposed to be a process that must involve the parent, so make sure you remind them about this. You can also read about SEN Support in the SEND Code of Practice, published by the government. Your child’s school must also have SEN information on its website.

The school may also be part of structured government, LA, or professional programmes of early support and intervention they use as part of early intervention..

Gather evidence

You should also now be gathering evidence in case your child’s progress indicators or behaviours are signs of a learning difficulty or medical condition. You will need these if they do not improve at the lower level of support and a greater level of intervention, in the form of a legally-backed Education, Health and Care Plan is needed.

How do you get the evidence? You will probably end up with mounds of it.

Your notes about your concerns and why, with examples,
Keep a note of interventions tried and their outcome. Ask school to provide copies.
Your notes from meetings and phone calls with school, therapists, doctors and others.
Saved emails (screenshot or save as PDF) from anyone regarding your child.
School reports, relevant correspondence
Medical letters and reports
Scan and electronically file everything in a named cloud folder (iCloud/Google Drive etc). You can store as images, or use an app to convert to PDF. File any paperwork in the same location— a concertina folder or filing box, every medical report, school report or letter, referral. Also scan or photograph (there are apps to scan to PDF) paper-based information. Ensure you use a consistent naming protocol, eg, date, from whom, subject: for 1st April 2025 would be: 010425_School_SupportUpdate. Then you can order it in date, or search all school contacts (search _school_ )
If there are websites you need to remember, bookmark them in a bookmark folder.

Finally, other than SNJ, you can find tons of support on Facebook groups and you should also check out your local authority’s SEND Local Offer (they are of variable quality) and your local SEND Information, Advice and Support Service.

For legal information and support there is also IPSEA and SOSSEN. Many SEN solicitor websites also have information. If you feel you need external support and are thinking about using an advocate—BE CAREFUL who you pick.

Updated 4/11/25

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About
Latest Posts

Tania Tirraoro

Founder, Co-Director at Special Needs Jungle

Founder & co-director of Special Needs Jungle. (She/Her) Autistic parent of two young autistic adults Devoted Grandma. National SEND advisor, journalist & author. Tania also runs a PR, web & social media consultancy, SocialOro Media.
She is a rare disease & chronic pain patient advocate with Ehlers Danlos syndrome.

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