by Sharren Bridges, parent and founder of Jen’s Acorn
Content warning: This article contains sensitive content involving the suicide of a young person. Please take care as you read.
The death of a child is about the hardest thing a parent may ever have to face. Whatever the circumstances, the loss is overwhelming and the universe is upended as the natural order feels so brutally shattered: we don’t expect to outlive our children. But it’s a whole new dimension of grief if a parent knows that their child’s death could have been prevented.
You may have read about the case of Jen Chalkley, who took her own life at age 17. Jen, who was neurodivergent, didn’t receive the support she needed in school and couldn’t see a way forward. A cononer found she was failed by the services that should have helped her. Jen’s mother, Sharren Bridges, has set up a programme in Jen’s memory called Acorns to Oaks, and she campaigns for an education system that works for all children and young people. She’s written about it for us at SNJ.
Campaigning so that other children like Jen can be safe and supported. By Sharren Bridges
Hello All, I am Sharren, Mum to Jen, a child with Autism and ADHD. We have a story to tell that, in parts, will possibly sound very familiar to yours, yet I hope that they aren’t in places. I must give a trigger warning here that this article contains child loss and suicide, so please look after yourself and those you love.
Let me introduce Jen, my daughter. To me, she is perfect, everything I could have ever wanted in a daughter: compassionate, intelligent, helpful (most of the time!), fun and full of life. For the most part, she was happy being herself and with her life. Jen enjoyed theatre, free diving, horse riding, dancing, Guides and Scouts; she was a well-rounded young lady. She sounds pretty regular, right? So why am I writing about her on SNJ?
Jen was also diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, which is where she didn’t fit into the ‘societal box’, especially at school. Although academically, she was “average” in primary school, and, for most of secondary, she was unsupported and masked—I’m sure this also doesn’t come as a shock to many of you either. Jen achieved ‘Oscar-winning’ levels of faking that all was okay.
In Year 9, it all fell apart
It got to the point in Year 9, when she was 14, that she could no longer manage in mainstream education. Year 10 approached, along with her GCSE courses. Jen knew these looming exams would determine her future successes and who she would become as an adult. That’s how Jen interpreted it anyway—I always tried to convince her that they were only stepping stones, that exams don’t define her, and that we all take a different path to the places we want to go.
But no matter how much encouragement or nurturing I gave her during her time in mainstream, no matter how much I communicated with her school, the support wasn’t there. We were just given numbers for outreach services and lists of helpful websites, as well as her having weekly check-ins with her year manager—you know what I mean, I’m sure….
Yet, despite ‘all that’ intervention, she still wasn’t able to survive, let alone thrive, in secondary school. Due to this lack of support, Jen ended up self-harming and burned out. In 2018, this was a new concept; it wasn’t recognised in medical or educational settings that children could possibly be burnt out and stressed. I’m so pleased it is at least recognised now, but it still shouldn’t be something a child should suffer.
Going into crisis because of school
Jen’s burnout got to the point where she couldn’t see a way out or a way to recover. At age 14, she went to bed with cords, skipping ropes and charging wires in her bed, hoping to get tangled up and die in the night so she didn’t have to go to school. Of course, I removed these things from her bed and spoke with her the next day about why. She said she wanted to die because she couldn’t cope with school. I said she didn’t have to go in, and we could try to get her some support, but she wanted to go as she was worried about getting behind with her lessons…
I emailed her year manager and explained the conversation that I’d had with Jen over breakfast, asking for a check-in for Jen during the day. During this chat with her year manager, Jen disclosed seven well-researched ways that she could take her own life, which she would try first, and which would be the most effective if others didn’t work successfully. The year manager then contacted both me and CAMHS for a crisis appointment, which was still three days later. That evening, Jen and I went to a drop-in service for immediate support. That really is a blur, but I am super grateful they made a safety plan with Jen.
From that day on, Jen was unable to attend school.
Diving into the world of SEND
It was then that I began to learn so much about the world of SEND and the very real battles of applying to get support for our precious children.
A short stint at a pupil referral unit (PRU) helped Jen start to become herself again, to blossom and enjoy learning once more. But too soon, it was time to go back to mainstream—yep, the same place that caused the trauma and suicidal ideation in the first place. It didn’t go well, and she fell to bits within days. She never returned.
It was the head teacher of the PRU who asked if I knew that parents could apply for an EHCP. I did so, and we got one, no questions, no appeals, and a place at a local college for Year 11. Things started looking up for Jen and us as a family. We thought Jen was starting to get better and was finding her way, as this was more suited to her way of learning.
“Support”, but no support, led to an avoidable tragedy
Even though we had the EHCP, there was a lack of ongoing support. Inflexibility from the local authority and the lack of intervention from many CAMHS referrals took their toll.
Despite my battling to get help, and despite multiple hospital admissions for attempts or intentions to take her life, Jen died by suicide in October 2021. She was just 17 years old.
The coroner ruled Jen’s death was “a multi-agency failure” that could have been avoided.
What the coroner said
“I have already found that CAMHS did not do their part in meeting Jen’s needs. Other agencies, including Children’s Services, provided support to the extent that they considered they could. But I am satisfied that, over the years, there was a failure of the relevant agencies to work together effectively, ensuring Jen’s needs were met, particularly from June 2021 onwards.
Coroner’s Report, 2024
“At no point did any effective multi-agency meeting take place to achieve this. To the extent that the EHCP could be expected to function as a multi-agency plan for this purpose, it failed to do so. Dr Ferreira-Lay stated that there is no national system in place for multi-agency care coordination, and I find that this was a systemic failure.”
How do we avoid a similar situation?
Following the unimaginable devastation of Jen’s death, I wanted to do something to prevent other young people and their families from suffering.
I believe our education system needs a major overhaul. We need to ensure well-being is at the centre of all education, at all ages and by all involved in education. If children and young people are regulated and happy, then it makes classroom management so much easier for the educators. If there is less red tape and box-ticking, then the educators can do what they have been trained to do, with engaging and fun ways of learning. I really don’t know why a reception-age child needs to know what diagraphs and trigraphs are—I learned this myself at age 44 while working in a reception class! I also wouldn’t be able to identify a subordinate clause if it poked me in the eye, let alone highlight one in work
This can be done by introducing more interest and enquiry-based learning, creative and hands-on learning. The education system needs to be more suitable to flex for an unknown future, rather than being stuck in the past. It needs to move away from the high-pressure, exam-focused culture. Schools should collaborate with colleges and employers to ensure access to vocational courses alongside academic and core subjects from as early as Year 7.
Acorns to Oaks
In memory of Jen, I set up the Jen’s Acorn programme, Acorns to Oaks (I don’t use Jen’s name or children will want to know who Jen is!). The programme aims to help schools explore untapped skills and encourage more enquiry and child-led learning. Ideally, I would love for every child, in every school, to find ways to engage children, using our interest-based learning and alternative education provision. It’s underpinned by explanations about why this learning is required (i.e. giving real-world examples, not just abstract 1+1=2).
I previously worked as a teaching assistant (TA) in a local primary school. This made it evident that Jen was not alone in being let down by the education system. Clearly, there were systemic failures that need addressing. The current system is costing lives; it’s just not working for everyone. Staff wellbeing and the wellbeing of students are so important, but currently, teaching staff are trying to cope in a system that supports neither them nor the pupils.
By allowing interest-based learning and a more vocational educational path, students will be more engaged and feel valued, leading, I believe, to happier, more fulfilling education settings—and therefore happier, more successful teaching staff. However, as settings are micro-managed from on high with what’s deemed important for children to learn, there isn’t much room for flexibility with what the children can access to help reach their potential, or to explore alternative opportunities that aren’t ordinarily available in schools. This is especially so in key stages 2 and 4. Our children need to believe they’re more than a list of exam results on a bit of paper.
Tips if your child is struggling with school
If you find, as a parent, that your child is struggling at school, my advice would be to:
- Look after yourself—you have to put your own “oxygen mask” on first so you can help others
- Do whatever you need to to look after your child (take a sick day if it helps their mental health)
- Use the various charity helplines to seek advice. They have support for parents/carers and young people: Young Minds, Papyrus UK, C.A.L.M, ChildLine
- Search online or your LA’s Local Offer to find out what help/support you may be entitled to. There are often lists of what is classified as ‘Ordinarily Available Provision’ and Reasonable Adjustments in education.
- Push, push some more, and keep pushing for the support needed
- Ask for deadlines and a written plan if the school offers interventions
- Write everything down (send emails for confirmation of verbal conversations) to keep a timeline and hold the education setting to their promises/ responsibilities
- Follow your intuition, it is rarely wrong, even though society, education settings and professionals will make you doubt yourself.
This is all hard work, but believe me, it’s not as hard as living out your days without your child.
About Sharren
Like all parents, I did the best I could, the best I knew how, and tried my hardest. Of course, like every parent, I made mistakes, we also laughed, played, loved and explored the world. I nurtured Jen in the hope that she would become the best possible version of true herself.
Until the end of the academic year 2024, I worked part-time as a teaching assistant in a mainstream primary school close to home. I supported children who were unable to manage in this setting but hadn’t been awarded an Educational Health Care Plan (EHCP), or some children ‘just’ having a tough time, giving them a place to be whatever they needed to be, to reset themselves and carry on with their day. Although I made a difference to the few children I was privileged work with, it became clear that the time had come to step away and make changes in a bigger way to support and help more children.
I now spend my days campaigning for changes in the education system to support all children within the system. Offering alternative learning opportunities which can help the wonderful children and young people gain the skills they need to thrive in the unknowns of a rapidly developing world.
Jens Acorn Facebook (this page isn’t very active as I’m a bit rubbish with social media!)
SNJ: Thank you to Sharren for sharing her heartbreaking story and for being yet another example of how so many incredible SEND parents manage to reach out to help others, even in their worst moments. You can find a profile of Jen in The Guardian here
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Key Content
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- Big ideas belong to everyone: Education, rights and lifelong learning for people with learning disabilities
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- Oops, we did it again… The Government must now listen to more than 100,000 people who do not want to lose SEND rights
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- A council’s “improvement journey”? How determined SEND parents catalogued the trail of their LA’s unlawful behaviour
- Research: Social networks in special schools. Friendships, bullying and play
- CrowdJustice SEND accountability: When the law says “must”, local authorities cannot treat it as “maybe”
- Research shows children in special schools report higher self-esteem than those with SEN in mainstream
- Part 2: The Testimonies. Children died; the system looked away. Will government SEND reforms make this scandal even worse?
- Children died. The system looked away. Today, the Government is calling the human cost of cutting rights, “reform” [Part 1]
- Jen’s Acorn: Offering vital school support to prevent more unnecessary tragedies like my daughter’s
- ADHD and Autism Right To Choose referrals paused as at least nine NHS areas tell providers to stop booking assessments
- “It’s not a compliance issue—it’s a design failure” Psychologists call for action on mental health and “harmful” school policies
The Unacceptable Truth: 20 SEND legal rights at risk from the Government’s SEND reformsSeptember 9, 2026
Dear Secretary of State for Education, Lucy Powell: an Open Letter from Special Needs Jungle and SEND legal charity SOS!SENAugust 4, 2026
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- What makes an autism assessment report genuinely useful to a school? - October 14, 2026
- Big ideas belong to everyone: Education, rights and lifelong learning for people with learning disabilities - October 12, 2026
- As The Guardian prints our joint campaign’s open letter, it’s clear people with lived experience don’t want to lose SEND rights - October 9, 2026
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