With Nicola Brookes, SENCO, SEND parent
It’s probably a fair bet that, if you have a child with SEND, you’ve felt, at least once, like “that parent”. The one that makes teachers hearts sink as you approach the classroom door yet again, or the one called in to discuss or collect your child early. It’s a mix of shame, worry, perhaps even irritation that your child is perceived as a “problem”.
When you’re also not only a teacher at another school, but a SENCO, your sense of shame maybe multiplied —you, of all people, should be able to make sure your child can behave—shouldn’t you? You’ve seen it from both sides. It’s made you a better SENCO, with lots of empathy for fellow parents, but you don’t get much of it from your own child’s school, and you may have chosen not to tell them your profession at all.
Today’s article is from Nicola Brookes* who has been in this very position and she has written about her experience for us.Thanks
My experience as a SEND parent has made me a better SENCO—here are my top tips by Nicola Brookes
“Sorry, me again!”
The phrase that I start most of my emails with when in contact with my daughter’s school. I find myself apologising, because what I am about to write, I know they won’t be happy with. I know they probably see me as “one of those parents” and “she just likes to moan”. I know the phrases; I work in education myself, I know exactly the parent I have become, and in fact, I am not sorry at all.
Let me explain. I am a SENCO. I know the theory behind the practice, I know the role I play, and the role that teachers should play, but they don’t always play that role. Rarely from malice, mostly from human error, or a distinct lack of awareness of how to support students with additional needs.
And then I am a mum. The mum of a very special neurodivergent autistic girl who has transitioned to a mainstream high school. It’s potentially one of the most traumatic times in an autistic child’s life, leaving the safety and comfort of primary school for the vast spaces and expectations of independence of high school. And here is where the conflict lies.
Switching from working professional to parent carer
I know the rules, the role, the expectations I have of my own staff. But I also experience the frustration and difficulties when they make those same mistakes.
Except at home, it is so much more difficult. I can’t switch off my computer and phone, and walk out of the office. I have the night ahead to support and regulate a child who was told earlier that day they couldn’t have their fidget toy, even though it’s on their learning plan. Or who had their SEND details displayed on the interactive whiteboard for all to see. Or who, having not had one hot meal in primary school, found the confidence to queue up for lunch, only to be told to “get out of the queue” when the fingerprint sensor didn’t work.
I have to sit and think about which battle I am going to fight this week, because if I spoke to the school about everything they aren’t doing to support my child, I would be living there. Instead, I apologise for my email before I have even written it because that seems the polite thing to do. Aggression and frustration won’t get me any further in getting the support my daughter deserves and is entitled to.
How you can help as a practitioner— my top tips
So what can you do as professionals to help?
Many autistic children—both diagnosed and undiagnosed—aren’t as lucky in surviving at mainstream high school. The constant changing of lessons, teachers and behaviour expectations, not to mention the crowded corridors sending a lot of them into sensory overload, and this is often the first day. The expectation to instantly adjust from a nurturing primary school to total independence isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Here are my top tips:
- Imagine yourself in their situation. Talk to them, be nurturing and approachable.
- Read their EHCP or SEN Support plan; it contains key information that isn’t just made up to tick a box.
- As a teacher, look out for who is struggling, who seems anxious; they might not be on the register as having additional needs because they had a set structure and routine in primary school and coped well in that environment.
- If you see a child doodling, give them scrap paper—it won’t go against the “no doodling in books” policy, but might give them a sensory outlet.
- If they hesitate at the door before joining a busy corridor, consider allowing them to leave a minute or two early to avoid the corridor rush.
- If they are hyper-vigilant, sit them at the back where they can see everything going on and reduce that anxiety.
- If they seem affected by bright lights, sitting them next to a window with natural light can work wonders.
A little action can make a huge difference with very little time on your part. The biggest difference you can make is to listen to what isn’t said, as well as what is. Listen to the tone, the body language, the facial expressions. Learn the cues and listen to them. Listen to your own gut feelings. If something is telling you that something is different about a child, then it probably is.
You might just support that child to manage every day. Most importantly, listen to the parent or carer, they know that child better than anyone, and if they give you strategies or support to help, use them. After all, it isn’t about your ego, it’s about supporting a very vulnerable child navigate one of the biggest changes of their lives.
I have a concept for every school. Imagine if you treated all learners if they had an additional need and needed some extra support with respect and confidentiality. You’d never be wrong.
You’d also never see another email starting “sorry, me again”.

About the author

Nicola Brookes is a Special Educational Needs Co-Ordinator (SENCo) working in a Pupil Referral unit (PRU) setting. She is in her third year of a Doctorate in Education (EdD).
She’s worked in many schools across the UK in various roles before moving into Special Educational Needs in 2015.
Nicola has worked in education for 17 years, 12 of which were in a mainstream setting. She then moved to work in an Alternative Provision (AP) school before joining a Pupil Referral Unit (PRU).
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Also read:
- Why nurture groups and effective nurture practice are vital for whole school inclusion
- Successful Additionally-Resourced Schools: A 13-step strategy and a 7-point “purpose”
- The same but different: Understanding SEND and inclusion in schools today
- SEN Resource Bases and Unit Provision in Secondary—what are they and do they count as inclusion?
- Ordinarily Available Provision for SEND: Friend or Foe? Part 1 from Philippa Stobbs OBE
- How government-funded schools’ SEND training has young people’s experiences at its core.
- Should we ‘mind the gap’ of disabled pupils’ attainment? Or is it really an indictment of how success is measured?






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Excellent, thoughtful advice. Have posted on X, to further approval of your work.