The SEND crib sheet: How you can help school help your disabled child

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Back when my youngest was in mainstream, they didn’t yet have statutory support. Although the infant feeder school would have sent notes on to the junior school, as their parent, I knew my child best. And I knew there were things, as they started in Year 3 and then moved up to Year 4, that would help smooth the way for both my child and their teachers.

Their Year 3 teacher was kind, and youngest coped ‘okay’. After a new autism diagnosis, the school had sent a teaching assistant along to the NAS Early Bird Plus course with us to help learn skills about managing autistic children. This meant she could also disseminate those skills throughout the two-form per year junior. Or at least that was the plan.

When you’ve met one autistic child…

As Youngest entered Year 4, I realised their teacher would not be the one who’d taught my eldest, who could have managed well and helped them thrive. Instead, they were put with an early career teacher who, I was informed, knew “all about” autism as she’d taught a child with the same diagnosis the year before. Because all kids with autism are the same, aren’t they? I knew this child and while the diagnosis might have been the same, he was as far from being like Youngest as it was possible to be. I was uneasy, to say the least.

I decided to write a helpful list, drawn up without rose-tinted lenses, that, if taken notice of, would ease the transition and help her understand how my child was affected as an individual as opposed to just being ‘another’ autistic child. I recently came across it and thought I’d share it, in case it’s useful for you as we come to towards the last part of the school year and you’re thinking ahead to September.

Note, each tip is practical, realistic, to the point and constructive, thinking ahead to possible scenarios based on previous experience. A good teacher will welcome the help. For your information here, Youngest at the time was diagnosed with ASD and Attention Deficit Disorder. They weren’t hyperactive or disruptive. If anything, they were ’away with the faeries’. At this point, their Ehlers Danlos, wasn’t diagnosed but the symptoms were already becoming clear. At this point, a statutory assessment was underway.

Promoted

Tips to manage my autistic hild

In cold weather, ensure X remembers to wear coat and gloves as they have Raynaud’s syndrome (poor circulation) and get blue lips. I have in the past had to collect X from school because of this so please ensure playground staff are aware.
X needs frequent reminders to stay on task or they’ll forget what they’re supposed to be doing and daydream instead.
Please try to integrate X’s laptop as much as possible, especially when large pieces of writing are expected. (eg project work). They could be printed out and stuck in the relevant book, but X’s reluctance to write by hand is preventing them from enjoying school. X needs to feel they can get out the laptop and use it as a regular part of their classroom life, which is not yet happening.
X loves presenting to the class, but can go on a bit. If this happens, you could try saying: ‘One more point and then we’ll finish/move on’ which will let X know it’s time to stop.
Sometimes X will say things that seem to be irrelevant to the subject, but X will have made a connection in their head and gone off at a tangent. X will need to be refocused on the precise subject being taught.
Sometimes X will remember things that have upset them some time ago and will be filled with renewed frustration about what happened. To the observer, it is impossible to know what has upset them. As you do not have time to find out, so it is better to distract them.
X’s favourite subjects are science & maths. X knows how to make and edit videos and uses computers and the internet with ease. X enjoys making comic books and has brilliant creative ideas, but lacks the skills and organisation to bring them to fruition, especially in DT. If possible, X needs extra support here to structure ideas into something workable. At home, X enjoys Lego and computer games.
X often complains that the other children don’t think X is clever. X’s difficulties in writing and self-organising have affected their self-esteem and X is conscious that some of the other children think they are a ‘geek’. X is very proud of their reading ability and that they have always been on the highest reading level. Public praise for X’s strengths would help particularly when working with others.
Please do not sit X near disruptive children as this causes X distress.
Homework is a particular problem, as with many autistic children. X thinks school work should be done at school, not at home. We always struggle to get X to complete tasks and X cannot do it unsupervised, ever. Please understand if X’s homework is sometimes not completed. It is not for want of trying by their parents!
X finds sharing computers in the IT suite difficult. Perhaps the relevant programs on the school computers could be installed on X’s own laptop and if there is wifi capability in the IT suite, perhaps X could use this in there during IT lessons. I helped every week with IT last year. I would love to do the same this year if possible- I am already familiar with the Y4 curriculum through helping Mrs Y last year.
X will sometimes refuse to cooperate and sometimes becomes ‘overloaded’. Distraction techniques can work here. Mrs W, TA, knows X very well as a result of the Early Bird + Autism course last year so perhaps she could be of help in school time?
X needs help writing their homework diary. ANY instructions for things that X needs to do at home or bring in must be written in there for X. If X does it themself, I will have difficulty understanding what is required.
Swimming: I will volunteer to help with swimming. X’s Raynaud’s syndrome means X is in danger of becoming excessively chilled if made to stand out for any length of time. X also has problems with acoustics in swimming pools and cannot process what is being said, so needs to be spoken to quietly at close range.
I am also happy to help with trips outside school as X needs close supervision in case they wander off. This is not out of naughtiness but because X has seen something interesting they want to get a closer look at.
Visual prompts for the things X needs to complete a task will be helpful. I am sure Sue, at the Autism Outreach team was helpful in this regard.
Please call me or email anytime, should you need clarification or advice about X’s behaviour or learning style. I believe X to be a somewhat gifted child academically, but their difficulties mean that X is not benefitting from school in the same way as other bright children, which is why we are trying for a statutory assessment. Helping X be the best that they can be is my main priority and I am more than happy to assist in school in any way to make this happen.

Did it work?

Well you would think it might. If I’d been Youngest’s teacher I would have taken note as they are little things for different scenarios that could have been noted into subjects. In infant school, X was given their own small area to work in quietly if needed, but in juniors X was expected to ‘fit in’.

What actually happened was that I didn’t get to help in the same way, other than to support on trips so X could attend. This isn’t obligatory though, schools are not allowed to expect you to do this. However I wanted to enable my youngest to have the best experience possible so I didn’t mind, and crucially, I had the time.

After a few disturbing incidents, I ended up moving him to another, brilliant, school, along with X’s brother where they both thrived.

It’s always a good idea to try to work with the school in helping them understand and support your child. If it’s a good, inclusive, school, it will be grateful for your input as long as it’s respectful and constructive. Giving them a ‘crib sheet’ means you can always then remind them to refer back to it if they mention issues you’ve already offered solutions for. They do, after all, have lots of children to teach, and yours won’t be the only one with difficulties, so it’s only human if they forget.

This is why it’s important to give it to the class teacher before school breaks up, as soon as you know who their teacher will be, or, if they’re changing schools, mail or email it in or drop a copy off in person. It may have no impact, but you will have tried. Don’t let them just hand it off to the TA (if there are any left) as it’s the class teacher’s responsibility, not the TA’s – though ideally, everyone who works with your child should be given a copy. If your child is on SEN Support, it can be part of the Assess, Plan, Do, Review process that you should have been involved with from the start…

Also read:

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About
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Tania Tirraoro

Founder, Co-Director at Special Needs Jungle

Founder & co-director of Special Needs Jungle. (She/Her) Autistic parent of two young autistic adults Devoted Grandma. National SEND advisor, journalist & author. Tania also runs a PR, web & social media consultancy, SocialOro Media.
She is a rare disease & chronic pain patient advocate with Ehlers Danlos syndrome.

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